Vic - 卡內基的《人性的弱點》

2011年7月26日

家裡書櫃有一本十多年前出版的《人性的弱點》，是美國暢銷書How to Win Friends and Influence People的其中一個中譯版。

書不是我買的，儘管書名頗具吸引力，但我一直提不起興趣看。今天看了明報一則不重要的港聞報導（見文末），提到這本書，還加了一個所謂Smartbox，說這本書「是美國人際關係學大師戴爾．卡內基（Dale Carnegie）於1936年完成的著作。該書運用了社會學和心理學知識，對人性進行深刻的探討和分析，激勵讀者發掘潛能和重建溝通技巧，甫出版即大受歡迎，曾登上《紐約時報》暢銷書榜達10年之久，至今銷出逾1500萬本，是史上銷量僅次於《聖經》的書籍。」

台灣有一家叫「卡內基訓練」的公司，自稱是「提供企業及個人教育訓練課程，幫助學員藉由培養積極態度、提升重要技能來創造卓越的工作績效，並更能享受工作享受生活」。該公司宣揚的，正是戴爾．卡內基那一套。

我不知道明報的Smartbox是參考什麼資料寫出來的，但背景資料寫得像幫人家賣廣告，也真不容易。

《人性的弱點》這本書我只看了作者序和目錄，內文還沒看，也很可能不會看，因為我本能地覺得這是一本蠱惑人心的小人書。各位如果看過，歡迎分享讀後感。

亞馬遜書店網站上有關這本書的書評很多，以好評為主，以下摘譯三則負面評論，供大家參考（原文見文末）：

1. 這是一本非常自私的書，可能害人不淺。它以淺白的文字，告訴你如何擺佈別人以達成自身目的，而不是教你公平待人、視人為目的而非工具。如果這還不足以說服你別看這本書，那我得說：作者教的手段是否有效很有疑問，因為人們其實並沒那麼好騙。

2. 你或許不知道，卡內基這本書其實是教人利用友誼，為自己謀取金錢及政治利益的指南書。現在這本書的粉絲說，這本書幫助他們克服害羞內向，獲得真正的友誼。但戴爾．卡內基對真正的友誼毫無興趣，他唯一關心的，是如何利用友誼，獲得金錢及政治利益。

3. （這則評論特別有趣，值得細閱原文）
這本書教授的技巧，令相信它的人變成一個機器人。沒有人知道他真正的興趣，儘管你一開始以為他的興趣跟你很相似。他毫不真誠，也無信譽可言。你看到他笑時，不知道他是真正開心，還是只是想裝開心。他說同意你的觀點時，你覺得毫無意義，因為他似乎同意每一個人的觀點。他對你無保留的誇獎，令你覺得是一種羞辱，因為他這麼做時，忽視了真正值得誇獎的東西，而你知道，他為你做的一切，不過是為了營造自己的形象。

我覺這本書要說的，不外乎以下幾點：

• 假裝對別人的嗜好感興趣，以便利用他們達成自己的目的；
• 無論別人跟你說什麼，都裝作同意，好讓自己更受人歡迎；
• 只表達正面的感覺，不要理會是否真誠；
• 為自己的行為提出一些藉口，令人不好意思拒絕，這叫做「訴諸高尚情感」。

《人性的弱點》這本書，令我想起中國媒體人程益中一段我很欣賞的話：

中國最大的糟粕，就是所謂的做人的學問。中國人缺乏的是率真和純粹。四周充斥著各式各樣、似是而非的做人做官的學問、庸俗管理的學問，其祖師爺都是厚黑學和潛規則。從這些學問裏，我看到的都是爭先恐後的、創造性的無恥。我經常會覺得不可思議，怎麼那麼多教人做人的學問裏邊，都不教人怎樣做一個正直、正派和有道義的人，反過來都教人怎麼做一個圓滑、世故和不吃虧的人。

我想說的是，厚黑學和潛規則並非中國人的專利，美國人其實也很在行，而且我們華人，還常常捧人家為大師，將一本小人書視為經典的人生指南書。

2012年8月19日後記：今天看了這本《人性的弱點》，覺得確實是一本小人書，而且內容十分單薄。我摘譯的那三則讀者評論，都是中肯之言。
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嫖客遭高跟鞋扑頭
因小費爭執 出院《人性的弱點》遮面
2011年7月26日
【明報專訊】一名身懷世界暢銷書《人性的弱點》的青年，昨晨於有「鳳樓集中地」之稱的北角皇冠大廈尋歡後，疑因小費問題觸動其「弱點」，與18歲鳳姐頓起爭執。兩人爭持間，青年遭人用高跟鞋敲穿頭，負傷逃到地面報警。涉案鳳姐一度與警對峙，其後被警員破門制服，揭發她是持有雙程證的內地人，被捕帶返警署。
召妓後遭扑傷的25歲青年周╳傑，在場接受包紮後需進一步送院治理，出院時以《人性的弱點》遮蓋臉容。被捕鳳姐李╳紅，年僅18歲，因「襲擊致造成實際身體傷害」罪名，以及違反逗留條件被捕。
警破門拉人 鳳姐被捕
消息稱，周昨凌晨時分獨自到英皇道321號皇冠大廈1樓尋歡，同層有24個單位，其中最少15個是鳳樓，內部再被闢成多間劏房。鳳姐數目眾多，日夜都吸引大批男士在走廊徘徊挑選。
周其後進入李的鳳樓訪談交歡，事後卻因小費問題起爭執，混亂間周報稱被人用高跟鞋施襲，他閃避不及被扑至受傷流血，奪門逃至地下報警。警員到場，李關門拒絕合作，一度與警對峙。警員見勸說不果，決定破門把她拘捕。
品流複雜 居民常受嫖客滋擾
皇冠大廈屬商住兩用，除設有跌打醫館及旅行社，低層單位多被闢作鳳樓，是著名的「鳳樓集中地」。該大廈人流眾多，品流較複雜，2009年曾發生多宗縱火案，幸只是走廊雜物被燒毁，未釀大禍。
今年6月3日，大廈對開的垃圾桶發現一具嬰屍，警方懷疑是鳳姐產後棄掉，曾逐層搜查大廈，但未有發現。
一直關注皇冠大廈淫業問題的立法會議員直言，過去經常收到居民投訴受到嫖客滋擾，但現行法例無法取締劏房及鳳姐，只能要求警方多巡查，減少罪案發生。至於有內地鳳姐在大廈內賣淫，他認為背後是由不法集團操控，警方應深入調查。

Smartbox﹕《人性的弱點》銷量僅次《聖經》

【明報專訊】《人性的弱點》英文名稱為How to Win Friends and Influence People，是美國人際關係學大師戴爾．卡內基（Dale Carnegie）於1936年完成的著作。該書運用了社會學和心理學知識，對人性進行深刻的探討和分析，激勵讀者發掘潛能和重建溝通技巧，甫出版即大受歡迎，曾登上《紐約時報》暢銷書榜達10年之久，至今銷出逾1500萬本，是史上銷量僅次於《聖經》的書籍。


Some customer reviews on Amazon.com on How to Win Friends & Influence People

1. Think twice before spending your money

This is a very selfish book with the potential to be damaging. In very grounded, seemingly common sense language, it tells you how to manipulate people for your own ends rather than treating people fairly and as ends in themselves. And even if that alone isn't enough to discourage you from reading this book, I very much doubt the techniques work. People are not so easily fooled.

2. Obvious sophistry and disgusting, dangerous sycophantry

Utter dreck! Anyone who thinks this book offers important wise advice on friendship is an idiot.

Dale Carnegie was nothing but a huckstering sophist, and a very repulsive one at that. For those of you who may not know, Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is a handbook on how to exploit friendship for the sake of financial and political gain. Now fans of this book (why such people are allowed to read, much less vote, I do not know) will say this book helped them overcome their shyness and make real friendships. But Dale Carnegie is not interested in real friendship. His only concern is to exploit friendship for financial and political gain. One need not be Einstein to know this. One need only read all the garish claims on the back of the book (I have an earlier edition than the one usually found in bookstores today) such as, say, "Increase your earning power" "(Carnegie's book will) [m:]ake you a better salesman, a better executive." If the book were really about true friendship, as its many lobotomized fans insists, then one would expect the blurbs to claim that the book will make the reader a better friend, not a better salesman. A true friend cares about his friends, but a salesman cares about his profit, and if friendship come between him and his profit, then so much for friendship. Dale Carnegie's groupies are utterly oblivious to his promotion of such shameless exploitation, which is as obvious as a communal bedpan.
......

3. This book is now obsolete

"Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automation, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain...he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality..." As I can validate with the man who recommended this book to me, this observation by Erich Fromm is 100% on target with "Win Friends and Influence People".

This man, who practiced this book, presented himself as superficial, artificial, irregular, and consequently very annoying. He proved to me that these techniques do not facilitate communication- they stifle it. Instead of being direct, this man would only have the courage to give hints or make indirect statements in the form of questions. If I would attempt to explain something to him he didn't understand, he would immediately light up and go, "Oh! I see what you mean buddy." In my head I would think 'You couldn't possibly understand- I didn't even start explaining!' But that's how this "Win Friends" philosphy made him- he's not willing to go through any difficulty at all to understand and communicate with others.

The techniques in this book basically converted this man into a robot. Nobody really knows what kinds of things he's interested in - although at first you think his interests have a lot in common with yours. The man has no sincerity or credibility. When I see him smiling I don't know if he is genuinly happy or just trying to appear pleasant. When he says he agrees with me, it means nothing because he always seems to agree with everyone. I've come to take his liberal and exaggerated complements of me as insults because in doing this, he ignores what is truly worth praise and I know that anything he does for me is really only for his image.

I'll sum up this book for you:
1. Fake interest in other people's hobbies to get what you want out of them.
2. Pretend to agree with whatever people tell you so you'll be more popular.
3. Only express positive feelings ; do away with sincerity.
4. Make false excuses for your actions that people would be embarrased to turn down, called "Appealing to the Nobler Motives."
5. Talk your way out of what you behave yourself into (as if this was possible).

I witnessed the ineffectiveness of a man who devoted himself to this book; I tried this book myself for a while. My conclusions: It contains nothing more than deceptive, manipulative, superficial techniques that have no use and will lead to the detriment of yourself and your relationships. Instead, I recommend reading the book that made this one obsolete: "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.