艾未未 - 活在恐懼中比失去自由更可悲

Ai Weiwei: to live your life in fear is worse than losing your freedom

艾未未：活在恐懼中比失去自由更可悲

A year after my release, I am more convinced than ever of the need to stand up to China's monstrous machine

獲得釋放一年後，我比以往任何時候更確信，我們必須勇敢地與中國醜惡的國家機器抗爭

guardian.co.uk, Thursday 21 June 2012

原文2012年6月21日刊於英國《衛報》，中文翻譯：Vic

Ai Weiwei holds the government document informing him of the expiry of his bail term, in Beijing today. Photograph: Ed Jones/AFP/Getty Images

（圖）艾未未手持北京公安局解除「取保候審」的通知。

A year ago tomorrow, I was released from more than two months of secret detention. Police told me today that they have lifted my bail conditions. I am happy that the year is up, but also feel sorry about it. I have no sense of why I lost my freedom and if you don't know how you lost something, how can you protect it?

去年我被當局秘密拘留逾兩個月，明天是我獲得釋放的一週年。北京公安局今天通知我，他們決定解除我的「取保候審」。我對一年的保釋期屆滿感到高興，但也覺得難過。我不知道自己為什麼會失去自由，而如果你不知道自己如何失去某些東西，你又怎能保護它？

"Wei" means "future" and also "uncertainty", and the future really is unknown. They have said I cannot leave China because they are still investigating cases against me – for pornography, exchanging foreign currency and bigamy. It is very, very strange. I am not a criminal. They grabbed something from me because they have power.

「未」有「未來」和「不確定」的意思，而未來確實是未知的。當局說，我不能離開中國，因為他們仍在調查一些我涉嫌犯法的案件──跟色情、兌換外匯，以及重婚有關。真是非常、非常奇怪。我不是罪犯。他們因為掌握權力，奪走了我的一些東西。

The 81 days of detention were a nightmare. I am not unique: this has happened to many people, and is still happening. It's an experience no one should share. They were extreme conditions, created by a system that thinks it is above the law, and has become a kind of monstrous machine. Everybody who has been through it loses their original hope or has it changed somehow.

去年那81天的拘留真是一場惡夢。我的情況並不獨特：這種事曾發生在許多人身上，如今仍在發生。這是任何人都不應該經歷的。它是一種極端情況，由一個認為自己不受法律約束的體制製造出來，而這體制已經成了一種恐怖醜惡的機器。經歷過這種夢魘的人，或是失去他們原本的希望，或是多少被改變了。

There are so many moments when you feel desperate and hopeless and you feel that's the end of it. But still, the next morning, you wake up, you hear the birds singing and the wind blows. You have to ask yourself: can you afford to give up the fight for freedom of expression or human dignity? As an artist, this is an essential value that can never be given up.

好多好多時候，你會覺得絕望無助，覺得一切都完了。但是，第二天早上醒來，你聽到鳥兒在歌唱，風在吹。你必須問自己：我承受得起放棄為表達自由或人的尊嚴抗爭嗎？作為藝術家，這是無論如何不可放棄的價值觀。

I often ask myself if I am afraid of being detained again. My inner voice says I am not. I love freedom, like anybody; maybe more than most people. But it is such a tragedy if you live your life in fear. That's worse than actually losing your freedom.

我常問自己是否害怕再度被拘留。我的內心說：我不怕。和所有人一樣，我愛自由，而且程度可能超過多數人。但是，如果你活在恐懼中，那真是莫大的悲劇──這比實際失去自由更可悲。

What I gained from the experience is a much stronger sense of responsibility, and an understanding of what the problems are and how one can understand what's happening and remain a positive force. You have to see your own position from the other side. At the same time you have to maintain a passion for what you are doing. You have to have sensitivity and joy. If you don't have that, you will be like a fish on the beach, drying up on the sand.

這段經歷帶給我更大的責任感，令我了解到問題所在，認識到一個人可以如何理解身邊發生的事，並繼續發揮正面的力量。你必須站在另一面看自己的處境。在此同時，你必須對自己所做的事保持熱情。你必須善感且有歡樂。若非如此，你會像擱淺的魚，在沙灘上逐漸乾掉。

My involvement in so-called political affairs started in 2008. After I designed the Olympic stadium I realised the Olympics was not going to bring real joy to society but propaganda. I stood up and criticised it. I'd already become active on the internet and every day I would see so many problems. I started to write about judicial procedures and we started to make documentaries, including one about the children who died in schools that collapsed in the Sichuan earthquake. I gained support among young people and people on the net and I think that made the government scared.

我涉入所謂政治事務，是從2008年開始。在設計了北京奧運場館「鳥巢」後，我認識到奧運帶給社會的不是真正的歡樂，而是大量的宣傳。我站出來批評這一切。那時我已經是活躍的網民，而我每天上網都看到大量問題。我開始寫一些有關司法程序的文章，並拍攝紀錄片，其中一部是講在四川地震中，因學校倒塌而罹難的兒童。我獲得年輕人和網民支持，我想這嚇到了政府。

I started to ask: why can't they solve minor problems rather than have them blow up? Of course, no one is listening. You talk to the wall and the stones. Every time you try to correct something, or demand a clear answer, your situation becomes more miserable.

我開始質問：為什麼當局不解決小問題，而是坐視問題累積，最後爆發？當然，沒人在聽。你就像是對一堵牆和一堆石頭講話。每一次你嘗試糾正一些事情，或是要求清楚的答案，你的處境就變得更悲慘。

They destroyed my studio, they put me in secret detention and they fabricated a crime that put a 15m yuan tax bill on me. We are now suing the Beijing tax authorities for abuse of powers and ignoring procedures. We are using this opportunity to make them realise what's wrong and inform the public, even though we know the results won't be positive. They refused to give us our papers back or let our manager and accountant be witnesses at the trial on Wednesday, or let me attend court. They even made my friend Liu Xiaoyuan, a lawyer, disappear before the hearing.

他們破壞我的工作室，秘密拘留我，捏造一個罪名，說我逃稅1,500萬人民幣。我們現在正控告北京稅務局濫權和忽視正當程序。我們希望利用這機會，令他們認識到自己做錯了什麼，並讓公眾了解這一切，儘管我們知道結果不會如我們所願。這個星期三，當局拒絕交還我們的文件，不讓我們的經理與會計師出庭作證，也不讓我出庭。他們甚至在開庭前，令我的律師朋友劉曉原失蹤了。

Friends of mine say: "Weiwei, my father has been questioned, my mother has been questioned, my sister has been questioned because of you." I don't know these people. Why does the system make them suffer? Because it can't allow anybody to exercise their humanity and communicate or show support. But when your children are growing up and will never have a chance to have their voices heard, do you want to turn your face away and say OK, that's not my problem?

我的朋友說：「未未，因為你，我爸爸被訊問，我媽媽被訊問，我姐姐也被訊問。」我不認識這些被訊問的人，為什麼這體制要令他們受苦？因為它不能允許任何人表現出人性的一面，表達對公義的支持。你或許會想對這一切視而不見，說「這不是我的問題」，但你想想，如果你的孩子長大後，永遠不能公開表達自己的意見，你還能說這不關你的事嗎？

Reflect on Bo Xilai's case, Chen Guangcheng's and mine. We are three very different examples: you can be a high party member or a humble fighter for rights or a recognised artist. The situations are completely different but we all have one thing in common: none of us have been dealt with through fair play, open trials and open discussion. China has not established the rule of law and if there is a power above the law there is no social justice. Everybody can be subjected to harm.

想想薄熙來、陳光誠和我的例子。我們的情況大不相同：一個是共產黨的高層幹部，一個是謙遜的維權者，一個是知名藝術家。我們的處境完全不同，但有一點是一樣的：我們都不曾獲得公平對待，案件沒有公開的審訊，也不允許公開議論。中國仍未建立法治，而只要有權力不受法律約束，社會就不會有正義。任何人都可能無端受到傷害。

I'm just a citizen: my life is equal in value to any other. But I'm thankful that when I lost my freedom so many people shared feelings and put such touching effort into helping me. It gives me hope: Stupidity can win for a moment, but it can never really succeed because the nature of humans is to seek freedom. They can delay that freedom but they can't stop it.

我只是一個公民：我的生命，價值與所有其他公民相同。但在我失去自由的時候，好多人義憤填膺，為了幫助我，做了許多感人的事，我對此十分感激。這帶給我希望：愚蠢的勢力或許可以短暫獲勝，但它永遠不能真正成功，因為人的本質是嚮往自由的。他們可以拖延，但無法阻止自由的到來。

延伸閱讀：向艾未未戰戰兢兢的致敬
「未未所做的人的事務，似乎就是為了幫自己以及其他個體生命，向中共追索屬於自己的生命尊嚴。他虔心服侍中國年輕一代人，並在他們中間傳播關於人與尊嚴、自由與民主、愛與和平的公民社會理念，建構公民的普世價值觀。他的藝術作品，是他對個人、對人類所蒙受的羞辱和人的處境，以及對他所寄存的這個艱困時世的重現。」──杜斌